Useful Phrases for the Everyday Loser.

2016
02.29

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As someone who watches a lot of daytime court programs, I’m continually amazed at the number of people who don’t mind admitting they borrowed $500 but don’t want to pay it back (“He continues to harass me, so I don’t feel I owe him anything.”) or who will hire a contractor and decide to not pay him (“I didn’t realize what I was signing.”) or who will rent a car for one week and keep it for 3 months. (“I needed it to get to work.”)

Not only are these witless fops proud to go on television to demonstrate their lack of common morality, but they have developed several lines which they invariably use at the end of each trial. I’m gonna tell you what they are, so you can down a shot every time you hear them. Which will be often, so if your own constitution is questionable, avoid alcoholism and just use coffee, like I do.

Here are the daily Loser Statements that are brief but pack a thoughtful punch:

“I’m just glad it’s over.”

“He’s just jealous because I have a new boyfriend.”

“It is what it is.” (Most common Loser Phrase, used when all else fails.)

Daytime TV. You gotta love it.

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